MARITAL AFFAIRS
Feb. 10th 2006 – Muharram 11th 1427
Marriage in Islam-I
Introduction:
Marriage is a union between a man and a woman who are not the offspring of same parents. The first marriage in humankind was of Adam and Eve (PBUT) which was arranged by Almighty Alloh in the heavens and in the presence of angels. Such a union between a man and a woman in present time is called wedding, nuptials and matrimony etc. Marriage is consequently a moral safeguard as well as a social necessity. It is a social necessity because through marriage, families are established and the family is the fundamental unit of our society.
Marriage is considered a religious duty in Islam and is enjoined upon all believers who can afford it. It provides a moral safeguard and legal means to develop relationship with the opposite sex and to extend the family. It is not only a contract between two persons committing themselves to each other but it is a contract to which Almighty Alloh is made the first Witness. It is made with every intention of making it permanent to the eternal success. The general purpose of marriage is that the sexes can provide company to one another, love to one another, procreate children and live in peace and tranquility to the commandments of Alloh. The Prophet (PBUH) has also said, "Marriage is my tradition who so ever keeps away there from is not from me".
Marriage in Islam is not only matrimony but it extends further in obligations and commitments to each of spouses. It is also a form of Ai’ba’dah because it is obeying Alloh and his messenger - i.e. Marriage is seen as the only possible way for the sexes to unite. One could choose to live in sin, however by choosing marriage one is displaying obedience to Alloh. In Islamiclaw, marriageis a legal bond and social contract between a man and a woman as prompted by the Shariah. However, a Muslim shall marry only a Muslim unless the wife is from the people of the book i.e. Jewish and Christian. But a Muslim shall not marry a polytheist idolater.
The Qur'anic Guidance:
"Oh people, observe your Lord; the One who created you from one being, and created from it its mate, then spread from the two many men and women. You shall regard (Almighty) Alloh, by whom you swear, and regard the parents. (Almighty) Alloh is watching over you" {The Qur'an – Surah An Nisaa'a (Chapter: The Woman) 04: 01}.
"And do not marry polytheist (idolater) till they believe. And indeed a slave woman is better than a (free) polytheist (idolater) even though she pleases you. And give not (your daughters) in marriage to polytheist till they believe in Alloh alone and verily believing slave is better than a (free) polytheist (idolater), even though he pleases you. That polytheist invites you to the Fire but (Almighty) Alloh invites you to the Paradise and Forgiveness by His Almighty, and makes His signs {proofs, evidences, lessons, verses, signs, etc.} clear to Mankind that they may remember" {The Qur'an – Surah Al Baqarah (Chapter: The Heifer) 02: 221}.
"Today, all good food is made lawful for you. The food of the people of the scripture is lawful for you. Also, you may marry the chaste women among the believers, as well as and good women from among those who were given the Book before you (marriage with whom is lawful for you), provided you pay them their due dowries. You shall maintain chastity, not committing adultery, nor taking secret lovers. Anyone who rejects faith, all his work will be in vain, and in the Hereafter he will be with the losers" {The Qur'an – Surah Al Ma'idah (Chapter: The Table Spread) 05: 05}.
"And marry not those women whom your fathers married, except what has already happened (of that nature) in the past. Lo! It was ever lewdness and abomination, and an evil way. Forbidden unto you are your mothers and your daughters, and your sisters and your father's sisters and your mother's sisters, and your brother's daughters and your sister's daughters, and your foster-mothers and your foster-sisters, and your mothers-in-law and your step-daughters who are under your mother-in-law and your step-daughters who are under your protection (born) of your women unto whom you have gone into - - but if you have not gone into them, then it is no sin for you (to marry their daughters) - - and the wives of your sons from your own loins, and that you should have two sisters together, except what has already happened (of that nature) in the past. Alloh is ever-Forgiving, Merciful" {The Qur'an – Surah An Nisaa'a (Chapter: The Woman) 04:22 – 24}.
"By (Almighty) Alloh; Among all of you I am the most God-fearing, and among you all, I am the supermost to save myself from the wrath of (Almighty) Alloh, yet my state is that I observe prayer and sleep too. I observe fast and suspend observing them; I marry woman also. And he who turns away from my Sunnah has no relation with me" (Bukharie).
Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: "...and he who refuses to accept an invitation to a marriage feast, verily disobeys (Almighty) Alloh and His Prophet" (Ahmad & Abu Dawood).
Conclusion:
"And among His signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in peace and tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are signs for
those who reflect" {The Qur'an – 30:21}.
Feb. 17th 2006 – Muharram 18th 1427
Marriage in Islam-II
Introduction:
The joining of two Muslims in marriage is indeed a cause for celebration. Through marriage, a couple can experience joy, companionship, protection, intimacy, trust and emotional and practical support. Marriage can be a source of strength, a refuge from hardships and the foundation of a loving family. It is from His wisdom and mercy that He has blessed married couples with the potential for a wonderful mutual closeness and security:
هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ۬ لَّكُمۡ وَأَنتُمۡ لِبَاسٌ۬ لَّهُنَّۗ
"…They are a garment for you and you are a garment for them…" {The Qur'an – 02: 187}.
Ahadith on Marriage:
Companion Abu Hurairah (RTA) narrates that the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: "A woman is married for one of four reasons: for her beauty, her wealth, her genealogy or her faith. So be successful with a woman of faith. May (Almighty) Alloh bless you" (Bukharie)?
The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: "When a man whose character and faith you like approaches you (for marriage) then marry him. If you do not then there will be great trials and widespread disruption on earth" (Tirmidhi).
The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: "Get married because I will display your outnumbering the other nations on the Day of Resurrection. Whoever has wealth should get married, and whoever does not should fast, because fasting is a restraint (of desire) for him" (Ibn Majah).
The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: "When Alloh grants one a righteous wife, He has helped him (by that) to preserve half of his religion. Let him fear and revere Alloh in regard to the other half" (Tabarani).
The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: "Every Tasbih (saying Sub Han Alloh) is a charity, every Takbeer (saying Allohu Akbar) is a charity, every Tahlil (saying Laa Ilaha Illallohu) is a charity, every Tahmid (saying Alhamdulillah) is a charity, commanding good is a charity, forbidding the evil is a charity and having love with your wife is charity"(Muslim).
The Rights of the Husband:
Kindness: It is the husband's right upon the wife that she treats him with honour and kindness. Kindness to one's husband includes showing him gratitude as well as being lovely, comforting and tolerant towards him. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: "Should I not tell you of your men who will be of the people of Heaven? The prophets will be in Heaven, the Siddique will be in Heaven, the martyrs will be in Heaven, a baby (dying before puberty) will be in Heaven, and a man who visits his brother in a distant locality, visiting him only for the sake of Alloh. And as for your women who will be of the people of Heaven: she is the loving, bearer of many children, the one who is caring toward her husband – the one, who, when he gets angry, puts her hand in his and says 'I will not taste any sleep until you are happy" (Tammam Ar-Razi).
Obedience: The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: "When a woman prays her five (prayers), fasts her month (Ramado'an), preserves her chastity, and obeys her husband, she will be told (on the Day of Judgment), 'Enter Heaven from any of its (eight) gates" (Ibn Hibban).
The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: the prayer of a woman who disobeys her husband does not rise above her head until she returns (to obedience) (Hakim and Tabarani).
Pleasing the Husband: The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: "The best of women is that who pleases him (i.e. her husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he orders, and does not subject her person or money to what he dislikes" (Ahmed and others).
Fulfilling his physical desire: The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said:"When a husband invites his wife for his need, she should go to him, even if she was working at the outdoor oven" (Ahmed, An-Nisei and others).
The Rights of the Wife:
Protection and Support: "Men are in charge of women (by right of) what (qualities) Alloh has given one over the other and what they spend (in support) from their wealth " {The Qur'an – 04: 34}.
The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: "They (your women) have a right on you – that you provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner” (Muslim and Abu Dawood).
Kind Treatment and Compassion: "Live with them (your wives) in kindness, even if you dislike them, perhaps you dislike something in which (Almighty) Alloh has placed much good " {The Qur'an – 04: 19}.
Kindness and respect is an obligation placed on the husband through a divine command. In other words, it is not something to be exercised whenever he feels like it or is in a generous mood. Again, as an act of Ai’ba’dah this is something a Muslim man should be careful to maintain as it is easy to allow negative emotions to affect one’s behaviour in such a close relationship.
Company and Intimacy: The wife is entitled to physical and emotional gratification from her husband. Spending time together, enjoying each other's company and being affectionate and loving are some of the most pleasurable aspects of marriage – and the wife is entitled to her share of this.
Assistance: Whilst it is more the wife's than the husband's responsibility to perform the various chores within the home, this does not mean that he should be unwilling to assist her therein. When Ayesha was asked what The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) did at home, she said, 'He used to be at the service of his family, and when it was time for prayer, he would go out to pray' (Bukharie).
She also said, 'He acted like other men, he would mend his clothes, milk his goat and serve himself' (Ahmed and others). The Last Messenger Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) has stated that: "men and women are twin halves of each other" (Bukharie).
Feb. 24th 2006 – Muharram 25th 1427
Marriage in Islam-III
Introduction:
In this 3rd Qhutba on "Marriage in Islam" we shall talk very two aspects of a Nikah or marriage ceremony which are very important for the completion of process. The first is Maher which is an obligatory part of Nikah and the second is dowry (jahaz) which a wife could bring with her from the parent’s home, which is as per the feasibility of bride’s parents, it is not part of obligation.
Maher is a sum of money that the husband agrees to pay the wife in a Muslim marriage contract commonly known as Aqd. The Maher is a compulsory part of an Islamic marriage contract. The other words for Maher generally used in the Qur'an are Sadaqua and Ajr, meaning reward or gift to the bride in it there is profit but no loss, and Faridah, literally that which has been made obligatory, or an appointed portion.
The Maher has to be fixed taking into account the bridegroom's position in life. A good woman might agree on a low Maher if she wishes, or none at all, according to the circumstances of her husband. Once fixed it is fixed, and legally binding - so it is good practice to have it written down and witnessed on a document. It is a gift of money, possessions or property made by the husband to the wife, which becomes her exclusive property. It is an admission of her independence, for she becomes the owner of the money or property immediately, even though she may have owned nothing before. It has nothing to do with either of their parents, except that a husband might need to take a loan. This should only be done with the intention of repayment. It is also intended as a token of the husband's willing acceptance of the responsibility of bearing all the necessary expenses of his wife.
Dowry is the matters of fathers giving the bride gifts of money or property, or paying for an enormous wedding feast, or providing a home, or setting her up in her home with furniture and household effects are left to the discretion of the people involved in Islam. The Prophet himself saw to the marriages of his four daughters. He gave his daughter Fatima (RTA) various gifts when she married Ali b. Abu Talib (RTA), but there is no record of his having given anything to his other daughters on the occasion of their marriages. Had such gifts been a recommended Sunnah, he would surely have given the others gifts as well. Moreover, the gifts given to Fatima (RTA) were extremely modest household articles - a sheet, a leather water-bag, and a pillow stuffed with grass and fibre.
The-Qur’an on Maher:
"You shall give the women their due Maher, equitably. If they willingly forfeit anything, then you may accept it; it is rightfully yours" {The Qur'an – Surah An Nisaa'a (Chapter: The Woman) 04:4}.
"Also prohibited are the women who are already married, unless they flee their disbelieving husbands who are at war with you. These are (Almighty) Alloh's commandments to you. All other categories are permitted for you in marriage, so long as you pay them their due Maher. You shall maintain your morality, by not committing adultery. Thus, whoever you like among them, you shall pay them the Maher decreed for them. You commit no error by mutually agreeing to any adjustments to the dowry. (Almighty) Alloh is Omniscient, Most Wise" {The Qur'an – Surah An Nisaa'a (Chapter: The Woman) 04:24].
Ahadith on Maher:
The Last messenger Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) gave each of his wives a payment of Maher, ranging from token sums, the granting of freedom from slavery when being made a wife, to the payment of 400-500 dirham. His wife Umm Habibah's Maher consisted of 4000 dirham, this sum having been fixed by Najashi, the Negus (a Christian ruler) of Abyssinia [Abu Dawood, Kitab an-Nikah, 2:235].
Narrated by Ana's (RTA): Allah's Apostle manumitted Safiyya and then married her, and her Maher was her manumission (liberating from slavery), and he gave a wedding banquet with Hais (a sort of sweet dish made from butter, cheese and dates) [Volume 007, Book 062, Hadith Number 098].
Narrated by Ana's bin Malik (RTA) The Prophet (PBUH) saw 'Abdul-Rahman Bin Auf' (RTA) with some yellow stains on his clothes and asked him, "What is that, Oh 'Abdul-Rahman?" He replied, "I had married an Ansari woman." The Prophet asked, "How much Maher did you give her?" He replied, "The weight of one (date) stone of gold". The Prophet said: "Offer a banquet, even with one sheep" [Sahih Bukharie: Volume 007, Book 062, and Hadith Number 010].
Narrated By Sahl: A woman came to the Prophet, and presented herself to him (for marriage). He said, "I am not in need of women these days". Then a man said: "Oh Allah's Apostle! Marry her to me". The Prophet asked him: "What have you got?" He said: "I have got nothing". The Prophet said: "Give her something, even an iron ring". He said: "I have got nothing". The Prophet asked (him), "How much of the Qur'an do you know (by heart)?" He said, "So much and so much". The Prophet said: "I have married her to you for what you know of the Qur'an" [Volume 007, Book 062, and Hadith Number 072].
Conclusion:
The Maher is an obligatory payment by the groom to the bride before touching her after the marriage. It is up to the bride to accept it in full or part payment or suspend the payment for future transaction. But it is recommended that husband shall pay either in full or in part whatever is feasible at the time. The amount of Maher shall be according to the financial status of the groom and bride agrees to it.
Nothing could be more un-Islamic than ostentation. It is ridiculous to attempt to justify flamboyant displays of wealth in lavish dowries or feastings by citing the Prophet's extremely modest gifts to Daughter Fatima (RTA). Modesty shall prevail by taking example of The Last Messenger Prophet Muhammad (PBUH).
March 10th 2006 – Safar 10th 1427
Consent of Bride & Groom
Introduction:
The simplest, the smallest and the oldest form of human society are family, which is comprised by wife, husband and children. A number of bonds and ties join the members of a family to each other. Nature has so arranged that man and woman are attracted towards each other on the basis of their due desire to love with a legal bond of marriage to satisfy their biological requirements and in the process get the bounties in the form of offspring. This natural attraction binds them together and leads them to live a common life and form a family.
This natural tendency or the instinct of sex, like any other instinct, should be guided to the right direction so that it may be utilized in the service of humanity. From a legal point of view Islam views marriage as an "Aqd Al Zawaaj" or "an agreement to be one in all matters of life". Like any other contract the marriage contract requires full and free consent of the individual male and female partner concerned. The parents or guardian of any of the partner may give advice, choose a marriage partner or use persuasion, but the final decision to enter into a marriage must be the result of a free choice on the part of each partner, even though this freely made choice may consist of accepting the choice of one's parents or guardian where it is applicable by consent.
The bottom line in any marriage is that the groom and the bride must agree to tie nuptial bonds without external pressure either parental or societal. However it is noble on part of the children to seek their parent's approval. Having said so, parents should restraint themselves against the choice of their children but parents are the best guide for the benefit of children and marriage is one of them. Parental pressure upon nuptials toes have been exercised during the time of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) but such pressures were eased by the advice of The Prophet (PBUH). We would look into the events when Prophet's advice stood supreme against parental pressure that is guidance to the present day bride, groom and parents alike.
The Qur’anic Guidance:
It is the mutual consent of bride and groom which becomes a source of peace and tranquility among them. With such a consensual agreement for Nikah, Almighty Alloh blesses the couple with love and mercy in their hearts. When such an endeavour is sought in the marriage, no one has a right to disturb such a process, instead everyone’s supplications and goodwill must prevail for the couple. Almighty Alloh ensures such a blessing in the following Ayaat of The-Qur’an:-
"Therefore among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in peace and tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between you (in your hearts): Assuredly in that are signs for those who have deep sense with reflection upon it" {The Qur'an – Surah Al-Room (Chapter: The Romans) 30:21}.
By stressing on the equality of all humans men or women and making it the basis of marriage, Almighty Alloh in His infinite wisdom has laid the ground rules for establishing peace, as well as the assigning of different roles to husband and wife as functional strategy rather than a question of competence as humans. The objective and the goal of marriage in Islam according to the above Qur’anic verse are to enable us to dwell in peace and tranquility. It is important for us to reflect on these words and their significance in the Islamic frame of reference.
Guidance from Ahadith:
One of the conditions of a valid marriage is consent of the couple. Marriage by definition is a voluntary union of two people. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said "the widow and the divorced woman shall not be married until she has consented and the virgin shall not be married until her consent is obtained". The prophet did revoke the marriage of a girl who complained to him that her father had married her against her wishes. Arranged marriages are not based totally on physical attraction or romantic notions but rather on critical evaluation of the compatibility of the couple. This is why most of the Muslim marriages prove successful.
"Khansa Bint Khidhan (RTA) who had a previous marriage, related that when her father married her and she disapproved of that, she went to The Last Messenger Prophet of Almighty Alloh: Muhammad (PBUH) and he revoked her marriage" [Bukharie, Ibn Majah].
"A [girl who was not married] came to The Last Messenger Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and mentioned that her father had married her against her will, so Muhammad (PBUH) allowed her to exercise her choice" [Abu Da'ud, on the authority of Ibn 'Abbâs].
The basic difference is that love between man and woman in the Islamic context can only be realized and expressed in a legal marriage. In order to develop a healthy avenue for the expression of love between man and woman and to provide security so that such a loving relationship can flourish, it is necessary to give it the protection of Shariah (Islamic law). Islam has attached great importance to the question of marriage in its social system.
The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) has been reported to have said: "No institution of Islam is liked by Alloh more than that of marriage".
Conclusion:
Selection of spouse and the groom is a matter of consensus among the two who intend to be married couple. Parental consent is of prime importance but it is not a barrier on the path of marriage. The adult boy and adult girl have a decision to make about their marital union and they can look each other, talk about the proposed nuptial ties and consent to their parents or guardians for the Nikah. Of course such consent is directly passed to a Qadi who performs the rituals of marriage for public certification. It is amazing that two people may only have seen each other for just a few minutes prior to being married yet deep love and affection is instilled in their hearts for each other. Almighty Allah is the one who controls the hearts and it is from His Almighty whom we should supplicate for a good spouse.
